What's Your Memory Like?

From Liniers Cartoon

A week of national rail strikes begins today.

Train shortages, cancellations and travel chaos are expected to be unaffected.

Key Ingredient

From Rhymes With Orange

The best thing about the internet is that you can claim credit for things you had no part in.

It's one of the reasons I invented it.

Childhood Memories

I saw Diana Ross trying to push in at the queue at The Post Office.

I said to her, "You can't hurry love, you just have to wait."

The King Is Dead

From Buni Comic

Some scumbags have nicked a tree from our garden.

It doesn't look right now there's a gap where the tree should be.

Bring back the birch, that's what I say.

Inviting Friends Home

From Asher Perlman

A couple of my mates are having a joint party for Chinese New year and Burns night.
It's called Chinese Burns night.
I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm.

Beautiful Music

From Twistwood Tales

Which Icelandic singer was named after a city in England? Was it:

A. Norwich

B. York

C. Leeds

The Big Book Of Baby Names

From Foolish Mortals

To find out your dolphin name simply lick your finger tips and rub a balloon.

Dating Mantiss

From OffTheMark

From Mark Lynch

I'm having a garden sale this afternoon.

I've got 3 trampolines, 6 patio chairs and 4 fence panels.

New stuff arriving all the time!

Missionaries

From The Far Side

You know it's cold outside when you trip over dog poo instead of standing in it!

Playbird

From The Argyle Sweater

I thought I spotted a German sausage flying past my window,

but when I looked again I saw that it was just a seabird.

I thought, my eyesight has certainly taken a tern for the wurst.

Feminine Side

From Faceless

The missis has just come into the living room wearing a skimpy little nightie, fishnet stockings and high heels.

She handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me "what she does best".

I can hardly contain my excitement, I absolutely love shepherd's pie.

Freebie

Kids today would be shocked to know that in the 80s you could find porn in bushes...

And also the other way round!

Overthinkers Club

From Dinos and Comics

We just finished our Christmas dinner this weekend.

These slow cookers are rubbish.

Lucky Day

Her: So, what's your idea of a perfect date?

Me: dd/mm/yyyy; I find any other formats a bit confusing.

Genesis of Dad Jokes

From smbc

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's fully groan.

Privacy Notice

From Bliss

I just mashed some Kelloggs Frosties into a paste and used it between my bathroom tiles…

They're Grrrrrrout!

Targeted Book

From Pardon My Planet

A guy walks into a bookshop.

Guy: "I'd like to buy a book by Dickens."

Shop Assistant: "Certainly sir, which one?"

Guy: "Charles."

Winner

From Dogs on the 4th

Premature ejaculator seeks young attractive woman for fling.
Must have large voluptuous breasts, a pert cute bum, slender long legs and . . .
Oh for Pete's sake! Never mind!

Cause For Concern?

From Mark Lynch    

My uncle got daffodil bulbs mixed up with his onions.

He made a Spanish omelette with them and had to be rushed to hospital.

They reckon he'll be out in the Spring.

Hiding and Finding

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

Can someone tell me who played Forrest Gump?

T.hanks.

Random Letters

From Pain Comics

I have a fear of giants.

It's called Fe Fi Phobia

Birth-Day

From Buni Comic
 

Lost & Fond

From Loose Parts

What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?

Ian

Short Lived Resolution

From Safely Endangered

I have 11 New Year's Resolutions this year:

- Never make resolutions

- Accept paradoxes

- Use the binary number system more often