Reward

From Dinos and Comics

I've got a glass of water by the side of my bed. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it.

Forgetiachi

From Rhymes With Orange

I just took that new pill that completely erases short term memory. What was I thinking?

From Mark Lynch

Addiction

From Buni Comic

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

Personal Grooming

From Wumo

My wife got confused and went to see a tree surgeon instead of a plastic surgeon.

Mind you, she does have a very nice bush now.

Dashboard

From Dogs on the 4th

I let a pasta chef borrow my car and he returned it all denty.

Retired Pilot

From Tony Lopes

We've just had a painter & decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him and it turned out he's a British Airways pilot who's been furloughed and was earning a bit of cash on the side. He made a lovely job of the landing....

When Trouble Walked Through The Door

From The Argyle Sweater

"May I have a whiskey double on the rocks please?"

"This is an Arctic-themed bar, Sir. All our drinks are served on permafrost rather than ice. See our menu."

"Oh, I see. In that case may I have a double on tundra?"

"Certainly, Sir. I'll make it a stiff one."