Realistic Supermarket

From Faceless

A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.

They gave me another one free of charge.

Mr. Sunshine's Anti-Aging Cream

From Light Roast Comics

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, "You know, one would have been enough."

Finneas Go Fetch Paw

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

The reason a dog is man's best friend is because he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

Doctor Apple Arms Race

From xkcd

If Stephen Hawking is such a genius, why isn't he working in an Apple Store?

Small Zoo

From The Surreal McCoy

I was out all night collecting badgers.

I've nearly got a full set.

Gone

From OffTheMark

My wife has been missing a week now.

The police said to prepare for the worst.

So, I had to go down to Oxfam to get all of her clothes back.

Cut Your Losses

From Loading Artist

Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?"

Me: "Oh that's a brilliant question"

Interviewer: "But what's the answer?"

Me: "Sarcasm"