My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her; she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified?
Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
My umbrella broke in half today and I was going to throw it away . . .
. . . but then I saw that the weather forecast said that there was a 50% chance of rain . . .
. . . so it'll be perfect.
My wife discovered a load of animal porn on my computer, but I think I got away with it.
I blamed the dog.
I guess he was annoyed at being crucified right at the start of a four day weekend.
I've been trying to give up making innuendos for Lent . . .
. . . and lately it's been getting really hard . . .
. . . but I think that I'm going to pull it off.
