Progressing Through Life

From Dinos and Comics

I've just started my new job at the recycling plant.

They've got me melting down all the old 60's Motown vinyl records.

It's absolutely soul destroying.

Frequent Victims Club

From Dilbert

I paid for a coffee in Starbucks earlier.

I've no idea how much it cost in Earth money.

Tall Girls

From Speedbump

A giraffe can grow up to 18 feet.

But they usually have only 4.

The Captcha Conspiracy

From smbc

If robots can't identify zebra crossings or traffic lights in captcha images . . .

. . . maybe self-driving cars aren't such a good idea.

Acme Tilting

From Leigh Rubin

My flatmate claims I'm schizophrenic.

The joke's on him; I don't have a flatmate.

Assessment

From JimBenton

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act.

He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honour," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."

"Anything, Your Honour," the hunter replies. "What is it?"

The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"

The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."

DNA Results

From Chucklebros

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"

The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!"