Caring Doctors

From smbc

Doctor: "You have the same disease as that girl in Airplane."

Me: "Oh my God, what is it?"

Doctor: "It's a film starring Leslie Nielsen, but that's not important right now."

Seefood

From Speedbump

Top Tip:

Birds. Stand closer together at dawn.

That way you won't have to shout so loud and wake me up.

Playdate

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" ...

... is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away ...

A Modest Post

From Leigh Rubin

I surprised my postman by going to the door completely naked this morning.

I don't know which part shocked him the most, my nudity or the fact that I know where he lives.

Healthy Food

From Scott Metzger

I broke up with my gym.

We were just not working out.

Mantis Counselling

From Andertoons

Why won't Dracula bite Mick Jagger?

Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.

Shells and Heads

From The Argyle Sweater

I'm really happy with my vegetable patch.

I haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.