Dream Job

From Dinos and Comics

I started my dream job today.

I get my own £200,000 company car and a corner window with a view of the city.

Being a bus driver is a dream come true.

Insignificant

From Speedbump

No man is an island.

Except Barry.

Introvert Olympics

From Toonhole Chris

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Carrot Juice

From Buni Comic

As a man is walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car.

After rushing to the hospital, the man paces the waiting room until the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery.

"Doctor, is my carrot alive, is it ok?"

The doctor sighs. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive".

The man breathes a sigh of relief. "What's the bad news doctor?"

The doctor looks him in the eyes and says, "Well I'm sorry but it's going be a vegetable for the rest of its life."

The Pelican Briefing

From Ellis Rosen

My local cinema lost almost £1000 in a smash and grab raid yesterday.

The thieves got away with two cartons of popcorn, two large Cokes and a packet of Skittles!

William Tell v René Magritte

From Liniers Cartoon

Rise and Shine

From Loading Artist

When I was a kid, my mother told me to put a clean pair of socks on each day.

By the time I got to Saturday I couldn't get my shoes on!