Dry January

From Reality Check

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Overstaying

From Jon Adams / Cityclops

The pot hole outside my house was so big . . .

. . . it took six council workers to watch the guy who came to fix it.

Talking To Parents

From Cyanide & Happiness

I always loved my mum's parents, Pearl and Dean.

Of course, I knew them as Granny and Grandpapa-p'pa-p'pa-p'pa-pahpahpah.

Trophy Wall

From Loose Parts

In the northern hemisphere, small dogs chase their tails clockwise, but in the southern hemisphere, they chase them anticlockwise.

This is known as the corgiolis effect.

Night Terrors

From Bliss

How do you tell the difference between a bugler and a burglar?

One of them has a bugle.

And the other one is really upset that his bugle's been stolen.

Cat Dentistry School

From Rhymes With Orange

I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth but . . .

. . . one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.

Watching

From Buni Comic

People at work say I'm nosey and always listening in to private conversations.

I just wish they'd have the guts to say it to my face.