Security

From Cyanide & Happiness

I sell security alarms door to door and I'm really good at it.

If no-one is at home I just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Good News, Bad News

From JimBenton

Why did the archaeopteryx get the worm?

Because it was an early bird.

Troublesome Little Piggy

From The Argyle Sweater

It was early last September

As near as I can remember

While strolling down a lane in tipsy pride

Not a word did I utter

As I lay down in the gutter

And this pig came up and lay there by my side

 

Not a soul was I disturbing

As I lay there by the curbing

When a high toned lady passed I heard her say:

You can tell a man who boozes

By the company he chooses

And the pig got up and slowly walked away

Not Caring

From smbc

I went to an Indian restaurant the other day and decided to try the toucan curry.

The food was delicious but the bill was ridiculous.

Phonetically Defined 6

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 5

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 4

From Wrong Hands