Familiar

From Mark Lynch

I think elephants are over protected.

But that's easy for me to say from my ivory tower.

Contingency Plans

From Andertoons

I spent the whole morning building a time machine

That's 3 hours of my life I'm never going to get back

This Guy

From Twonk Comics

Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don't have toetips, yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger!

Lying

From Work Chronicles

Quick question:

Is it, "for fuck sake", or "for fuck's sake"?

It's for a work email so it has to sound professional.

Daily Ritual

From Rhymes With Orange

Did you hear about the massive LEGO sale this weekend?

People were lining up for blocks.

Self Cleaning Oven

From Yaffle by Jeffrey Caulfield and Brian Ponshock

As I was sitting drinking my morning cup of tea in my slippers, I thought to myself . . .

. . . I really must wash some cups!

Imaginary Friends

From JimBenton

Did you know . . .

. . . that you can fly from any airport in the country without posting it on Facebook?